As far as you're concerned, you've found "the one" – only he isn't quite ready to be your "number two." He resolutely refuses to indicate his commitment. So how come you're ready to settle down, yet he isn't? Here are 10 possible reasons why he won't commit.
1) He's Not Over His Ex Well, of course he says he's completely over his ex. There's even a chance he believed it himself too – and that it took getting involved with another woman for him to realize he wasn't. While it's difficult to admit to yourself – and to each other – that you could be his rebound girl, it's best to discover the truth as early as possible. Look for signs of his lingering feelings – especially if an unusually short amount of time has passed between that relationship and yours. The number one sign: a fridge-mounted or framed photo of his ex that has yet to make it to the back of the drawer.
2) He Had a Bad Experience with his Ex If he's still bearing the scars from a bad breakup, chances are that he's not ready to leap into another one. Depending on how badly that relationship ended, it could take him some time to realize that you're not going to cause the same damage. Right now, he may be looking for signs that it's all going to go to hell in a handbasket – and, of course, the more he looks, the more he'll find. It'll take a fair degree of patience on your side to get beyond this.
3) There's Someone Else in the Picture If you've not officially declared yourselves "exclusive" or if your boyfriend has a history as a double-dater, he could be sidetracked by other opportunities. Some men like to keep their options up in the air for as long as possible before making a decision, and unfortunately, you could be the unwitting victim. Watch out for the obvious signs – mysterious schedules, dubious stories, regular periods when he is incommunicado – and if you're still concerned, ask him straight out.
4) He's Totally Happy with His Life Despite dipping their toes into the dating pool, some men actually don't want a girlfriend. Sure, he may enjoy the companionship and those other relationship benefits, but only as an adjunct to the rest of his life. If his priorities are his friends, his hobbies or even his basic "me" time, he's only going to have a little extra room for the joy and wonder of you ? which is fair enough, unless you're wanting a more central position in your partner's life. If you do, you may have to look elsewhere.
5) It's All About the Money Money can be an issue in many relationships, but it can also stop a man from committing to a relationship in the first place. Maybe his focus is on work and he wants to become more established and earn a decent wage ? maybe own his own home too ? before channeling his energy and time into a relationship. Or perhaps he's seen firsthand how a divorce can destroy a man's financial standing, and he's just not ready to take that risk. In the first case, he'll need to know that you understand his ambitions and that you won't get in the way; in the second, offering a prenuptial agreement (while it may not sound romantic) could put his mind at rest.
6) He's a Romance Junkie Some men are addicted to the process or even just the idea of falling in love. They love the flirting, the first dates, the getting-to-know-you stage and the chance to tell all their stories to fresh ears. Once they have passed this stage, however, they're bored and ready for the next bit of excitement. Again, check out his relationship history to see if your man is a romance junkie; look out for a number of one- and two-month relationships.
7) He's Feeling Pushed Sometimes even willing partners can feel so pressured into being in a relationship that they'll run away. Men – and women too ? generally need a little time to figure out if a certain person is the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, and they don't like to feel that they're being coerced into making a decision. So while it's important that he knows how you feel, don't discuss your first home together or your favorite baby names until you've had the time to genuinely establish a relationship.
8) He's Not Ready for the Responsibility Along with powerful love come great responsibilities, but not every would-be romantic is quite ready for them. So while he may be thoroughly enjoying your time together, perhaps he's not at a point in his life where he wants to truly consider someone else's point of view. He likes you, but he's not ready to mop your brow when you're sick or comfort you when you lose a pet, preferring an easy-breezy – and yes, selfish – lifestyle instead. And if your biological clock is ticking, he might not want to be around when the alarm goes off. Or, if you already have kids, he may not be ready for the whole family package.
9) He Only Wants Sex Who would believe it? Some men want to be in a relationship simply so they have easy access to sex. For these men, the old saying rings true: Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free? Why should they commit to a deeper, longer-term relationship if all they're after is what they're already getting?
10) You're Just Not that One We all know of the "he's just not that into you" syndrome, but why would he even bother if he weren't? Simply because it's easy, it's there and it's available. You are an enjoyable part of his life – but regrettably, a not-too-important part. He knows you're not "the one," but he kind of likes hanging out and, to put it bluntly, you'll do until something better comes along. He may not even be conscious of how callous that is; instead, he is just mildly aware of an underlying feeling that this is not forever.
So, consider whether any of these may be a reason for his lack of commitment. If you're looking for something more permanent, it's your move.
A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
These are some poems that I came across and thought I would share.
*Untitled*
I just can't believe you're gone, && all the promises you spoke of have fallen, I just hope you remember the day, when I turned but you're the one who walked away.
I could feel. . . my world becoming one big earthquake, feel the blood rush to my heart, where I knew it was bound to be breaking, all my walls were crumbling down, && swelling up inside was all the pain that I couldn't hide, I knew at that moment nothing between us would ever be the same.
Knowing what I know now, what really hurts the most, is remembering how things use to be, && knowing all the things I wanna say, can't be heard.
If I knew then what I know about you now, maybe I would have been more careful, questioned you more, trusted you less, wouldn't had been your best friend, maybe.
Rome wasn't built in a day but, you broke I just can't believe you're gone, && all the promises you spoke of have fallen, I just hope you remember the day, when I turned but you're the one who walked away.
I could feel. . . my world becoming one big earthquake, feel the blood rush to my heart, where I knew it was bound to be breaking, all my walls were crumbling down, && swelling up inside was all the pain that I couldn't hide, I knew at that moment nothing between us would ever be the same.
Knowing what I know now, what really hurts the most, is remembering how things use to be, && knowing all the things I wanna say, can't be heard.
If I knew then what I know about you now, maybe I would have been more careful, questioned you more, trusted you less, wouldn't had been your best friend, maybe.
Rome wasn't built in a day but, you broke down every part of me, that thought I'd ever need you again.
So close we became, but so fast we went in seperate ways, it seems just like yesterday, but those memories are distant, && so is the person you use to be. down every part of me, that thought I'd ever need you again.
So close we became, but so fast we went in seperate ways, it seems just like yesterday, but those memories are distant, && so is the person you use to be.
*Trust*
The closer I get to someone and The more I let them in The worse it hurts in the end When they let me down
I told you about my trust issues I have from my past But it seems like you used that against me I knew, you showing you cared, wouldn't last You gave me this false impression
False impression that you would be there Through thick and thin The trust I had for you, you are starting to tear Tearing it down to nothing
These walls are back up now Thicker and taller then ever So go ahead and take a bow Your shows over
*Claim and deposit*
Why should I look like a claim and deposit counter?, Why should I feel like a baggage that can claim and deposit in the counter?, Why am I still standing here for you to claim me?, Why am I still waiting for you to get me again?.
I am not a thing that can be claim and deposit in the counter. Why am I letting you to do this to me?.
I am not a thing that can be set aside, then go back when it is done and ok. I am not a thing that can be set aside, then go back when you are in the mood. I am not a thing that can be set aside, then go back when you need me. I am not a thing that can be set aside, then go back when you want to be with me. I am not a thing that can be set aside, then go back when you miss me.
Deposit me when you find somebody, Claim me when you are left by them.
Deposit me when you don't need me anymore, Claim me when you need a shoulder to cry upon.
Deposit me when you are not in the mood to talk to me, Claim me when you like to talk to me again.
Deposit me when you are not in the mood, Claim me when you are happy.
I am not a claim deposit counter. I am your friend, I am your closest friend, I am your best friend.
I am not your bag, I am not your shadow, I am not your dog, I am not your mom.
I am a human, I am not insensitive, I have heart to feel pain.
This is a blog that was posted about Erica and I and I just have to pass it along because I find it so amusing, The writing in the ( ) is my response..........
Let me caution you.... This is one highly emotional, hate-filled, spiteful blog... if you're mare or erica you probably don't wanna ready any further, I've been one ruthless, motherf******* prick!.... Let's put this in terms of a mastercard commercial...
Easter for your kids: 40.00 (This is funny, considering Gino bought the girls' basket, but nice try)
New shower for your bathroom: 25.00 (Yes he did buy this, and may have it back at anytime. Hopefully, it will fit the waterpump on his car, at least then he can shower)
Dinner when you're hungry and broke: 10.00 (This must be the dinner that he asked to buy me, then left Froggers without paying for it.. Monica paid for it...thanks Mon)
Help with your yard work: 45 minutes of labor. (speaking of yard work....I have some weeds that could use pulling... LOL)
10 packs of cigarettes: 60.00 ( Cigs cost no more than 4 dollars a pack, so that would be 40 dollars, not 60. Your math is a little off. Also, I don't recall you buying me 10 packs but whatever makes you feel better)
Professional ball game ticket. game was known about for 3 weeks and 2 hrs. before getting on the road.. you back out and hide behind your kids for an excuse because you're not enough of an adult to face how things are: 55.00 (Yes, he did buy 2 tickets to the sox game when he was suppost to get 4 but in a desperate attempt to be alone with me, he decided to go on the only day that the other people weren't able to go)
Gas driving directly to the stadium to buy it: 4.00/gallon... 100 some-odd mile round trip, you do the math on that one! (Guess you should have used TicketMaster)
Full tank of gas after a monthly tourney: 35.00 (That he wanted to buy so that I would go hangout that night)
10 drinks and 10 shots: let's say conservately... 90 something dollars (Yep, this one is accurate, thanks... nothing is better than getting drunk on you and then leaving the bar to go home with my boyfriend and having hot, amazing sex with him! Thanks again!)
Driver's license re-instatement amount to be re-paid 3 days later, nearly 3 months have passed and it has not been: 100.00 (Not really sure what he is talking about on this one...delusional)
Groceries: 30.00 .. amount of which was magically misplaced in the spand of 5 mins. (As many times as he offered, I never took money from him for food. Not even the last time he was living in his car and told me he would give me $100. plus groceries to sleep on my couch....TL was there for this one)
(CLANG) A PERSON WORTH ALL OF THIS COMPASSION..... PRICELESS... (Having a 31 year old man cry real tears because he was rejected for a Red Sox game........PRICELESS!!!!) Now..... I will be the first to say that in my time, I have been known to give the shirt off my back... only to have acid poured on it in return. The self-centered, dishonorable, miserable witch who did this to me knows who she is... Other scenarios could be mentioned but I think I've made my point. Also, I will not be profane or insulting or slanderous because I have way too much class, character, and dignity to lower myself to that level. I also will not mention names for the same reason... but the individual (s) who stuck it in me know who they are and deserve no more of my time, respect, help, or love. They are (at most) deserving of a middle finger and a complete disregard for their existance as a co-habitating lifeform on this planet. Thanks for the added enjoyment to the game by texting me detailed information on your daily oral sex. Nobody put a gun to my head and made me do a damn bit of that stuff. I did it because I cared... and at the time... NO ONE ELSE DID... DID THEY !? ... There was not another individual walking this earth who was what I was to them and that is an entirely self-evident and indisputable fact. I will never again the rest of my days be used, dishonored, and made to feel that horrible ever again. My love, respect, and time will go to those deserving of it... Using your emotions as a guide when it comes to women can land you in a similiar situation to what happened to anakin skywalker in star wars; revenge of the sith... as michael douglas said in war of the roses to his son before the kid went off to school... "About women, Don't be led by your emotions." they can often be a total detrement when it comes to women. My myspace page shows that I am in search of women who do not resemble a 20 pound xmas fruitcake... I sure have encountered plenty of those.... and my search shall go on.
This is the shit I have been dealing with since Monday when I couldn't go to the game. It is rediculous and childish. He say he wants nothing to do with me and yet he still seems to text me everyday, wish I could post all of them. The whole thing is just stupid concidering I never led this guy on and he knew I was seeing someone else for longer than I have known him. In his own little delusional world he came up with something that wasnt there and now it is somehow my fault. So Pete....oops we weren't using names, the next time you deceide that you want to help someone you "love" make sure it is unconditional so you don't get your feeling hurt to badly. I was never using you because it's not about money to me and if I was, I would have more than a shower head, a few drink and cigarette's to show for it.
I found and was reading this and thought I would share.....Not looking so good for me. LOL
Have you ever dated a great guy for a long time... I'm talking about six months, twelve months, or even longer... and it was getting to the point where you needed to have "the talk" with him. But when you tried to bring up the topic of having a relationship and making a bigger commitment, his eyes just glazed over... and then he became distant from you... and the relationship ended soon after?
You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.
I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:
"He's just a jerk, forget about him".
Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.
And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.
The 3 Deadly Mistakes Women Make With Men Without EVER Realizing It...
Talking or saying nasty things about your past boyfriends. Saying bad things about men you have been involved with actually reflects the negatively back on YOU. It makes a man worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you. (I'm def guilty of this, I have nothing good to say about my last relationship)
Speaking negatively about other women. When women call other women names like "slut", "bitch", and "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted you. Women will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man might be attracted to her. This just makes a man think you are trying to cover up your own insecurities, and looking for validation and attention. Not good. (Guilty of this as well, I make comments about everyone. Not out of jealousy just because that's how I am)
Too much physical contact, especially in public. If you are constantly hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior... but you'll never hear about this from him. It's far better to save your touches for short and infrequent moments that will surprise and enchant him. (I guess if I don't drink I would be ok on this one.)
» Mistake 2:Appealing To His "Sexual" Side Instead Of His Emotional Side
Many women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sexalone... and think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well.
Women too often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship and get them what they want. In reality, a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional connection as two entirely different things, and it requires a special set of skills to mold these two things together in a man's mind... and keep them connected.
Men are out for far more than just sex... and a woman who knows how to fulfill a man EMOTIONALLY and SEXUALLY will be the woman who captures a man's heart... and gets that same fulfillment for HERSELF.
» Mistake 3:Not Knowing How To Size Up A Man's "Relationship Potential"
A lot of women will decide whether or not they should put energy into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.
Yes, attraction is important. But it can also be DANGEROUS.
When we feel a strong sense of attraction for someone, it can cause us to override our logic and ignore our instincts... leading us to overlook potential partner's deadly faults that could spell trouble down the road.
If you've ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that is dragging you down, this is probably why.
It's important to be able to size a guy up and spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship FAST... so you don't waste any of your time or emotional energy on someone who isn't right for you... or who will leave you heartbroken.
I really cant understand how someone that has kids can go days or even a week and not want to see their kids. And stopping by to bring them something doesnt really constitute a visit in my eyes. Picking them up and keeping them on the days that were agreed on is only fair, not making excuses like "They dont want to stay here" or " I have to work tonight after I play softball". I dont know, maybe im just crazy but I couldn't just pay my Child Support and see them 2 or 3 days a month and be ok with that.
I really thought this time things would be different and that he would see them more but the only thing that is different is he gives me support this time. I guess I was wrong about him altogether. Hopefully one day he will wake up and see what he is missing and another is enjoying.
As far as you're concerned, you've found "the one" – only he isn't quite ready to be your "number two." He resolutely refuses to indicate his commitment. So how come you're ready to settle down, yet he isn't? Here are 10 possible reasons why he won't commit.